This week’s poem by Ogden Nash tells the tale of a coward who, when his family is threatened, has the courage to defeat the threat.
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
Ogden Nash (1902—1971)
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.
Poem 184. The Tale of Custard the Dragon
Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.
Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink,
And the little gray mouse, she called her Blink,
And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard
But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard.
Custard the dragon had big sharp teeth,
And spikes on top of him and scales underneath,
Mouth like a fireplace, chimney for a nose,
And realio, trulio daggers on his toes.
Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs,
Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Belinda tickled him, she tickled him unmerciful,
Ink, Blink and Mustard, they rudely called him Percival,
They all sat laughing in the little red wagon
At the realio, trulio, cowardly dragon.
Belinda giggled till she shook the house,
And Blink said "Weeck!" which is giggling for a mouse,
Ink and Mustard rudely asked his age,
When Custard cried for a nice safe cage.
Suddenly, suddenly they heard a nasty sound,
And Mustard growled, and they all looked around.
“Meowch!” cried Ink, and “Ooh!” cried Belinda,
For there was a pirate, climbing in the winda.
Pistol in his left hand, pistol in his right,
And he held in his teeth a cutlass bright,
His beard was black, one leg was wood;
It was clear that the pirate meant no good.
Belinda paled, and she cried, “Help! Help!”
But Mustard fled with a terrified yelp,
Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household,
And the little mouse Blink strategically mouseholed.
But up jumped Custard, snorting like an engine,
Clashed his tail like irons in a dungeon,
With a clatter and a clank and a jangling squirm
He went at the pirate like a robin at a worm.
The pirate gaped at Belinda's dragon,
And gulped some grog from his pocket flagon,
He fired two bullets, but they didn't hit,
And Custard gobbled him, every bit.
Belinda embraced him, Mustard licked him,
No one mourned for his pirate victim.
Ink and Blink in glee did gyrate
Around the dragon that ate the pyrate.
Belinda still lives in her little white house,
With her little black kitten and her little gray mouse,
And her little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And her realio, trulio little pet dragon.
Belinda is as brave as a barrel full of bears,
And Ink and Blink chase lions down the stairs,
Mustard is as brave as a tiger in a rage,
But Custard keeps crying for a nice safe cage.
Custard’s family boast of their courage, think little of him and make fun of him for his fainthearted character but when a real threat appears in the shape of a heavily armed and evil-intentioned pirate, it is Custard who stands his ground, attacks the (rather surprised) pirate and swallows him whole. The rest of the family celebrate and praise their draconic protector and then they return to their previous braggadocio while Custard “keeps crying for a nice safe cage”.
I love Nash’s ability to alter words to fit a rhyme without making them incomprehensible (gyrate/pyrate and household/mouseholed are brilliant) and because the picture drawn by the poem, though as simple as a nursery rhyme, is very clear. I also love the metaphorical joke in “Ink trickled down to the bottom of the household”, suggesting both the flow of ink from an upset bottle and the way cats slink around at times.
The poem inspired Leonard Lipton to write a poem in 1959 that inspired the Peter, Paul and Mary song, “Puff, the Magic Dragon”.