This week’s choice is a song from the musical “Les Misérables” written by Alain Boublil, Claude-Michel Schönberg and translated by Herbert Kretzmer: “Who Am I?”
If I speak, I am condemned.
Claude-Michel Schönberg (1944—), tr Herbert Kretzmer (1925—2020)
If I stay silent, I am damned!
Poem 350. Who Am I?
He thinks that man is me
He knew him at a glance!
That stranger he has found
This man could be my chance!
Why should I save his hide?
Why should I right this wrong
When I have come so far
And struggled for so long?
If I speak, I am condemned.
If I stay silent, I am damned!
I am the master of hundreds of workers.
They all look to me.
How can I abandon them?
How would they live
If I am not free?
If I speak, I am condemned.
If I stay silent, I am damned!
Who am I?
Can I condemn this man to slavery
Pretend I do not feel his agony
This innocent who bears my face
Who goes to judgement in my place
Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I’m not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on
Who am I? Who am I?
I am Jean Valjean!
And so Javert, you see it’s true
That man bears no more guilt than you!
Who am I?
24601!
Jean Valjean, an escaped convict who has spent years hiding from the law in the form of the merciless Inspector Javert, is faced with a huge dilemma. He has changed his name and disguised his appearance and even Javert is taken in by the prosperous Monsieur Madeleine, owner of a large factory and mayor of the town.
The inspector becomes suspicious when this well-to-do mayor steps in to rescue a man pinned down by a cart and lifts it easily off the casualty, and Javert remembers the prodigious strength of convict 24601, otherwise known as Jean Valjean. There is an inconvenient fact preventing him from pursuing the mayor, however: Valjean has already been arrested! A man who is Valjean’s double was captured earlier and is about to be jailed for breaking parole.
Having learned this fact from Javert, Valjean is wracked by his conscience: can he allow this innocent man to be imprisoned in his place, or should he sacrifice himself, losing everything including the company he has built with perhaps dire consequences for his employees and the town at large?
During the song, Valjean wrestles with this conundrum, arguing first one way and then the other in an agony of indecision. His initial reaction is one of selfishness (“That stranger he has found/This man could be my chance!”) as he imagines his freedom from pursuit—the law is hardly going to go looking for a man it believes to be in prison. He has achieved so much since his own imprisonment and it has been a hard struggle—why should he correct this mistake and return to jail himself?
The core of his predicament is summarised in the lines “If I speak, I am condemned/If I stay silent, I am damned!”—if he admits his identity, he will be condemned to life in prison; if he does not, he breaks the terms of his covenant with God which he made when he first set his feet on the path to redemption.
He goes on to reason that if he is imprisoned, his factory will fail and the workers who look to him for their employment will be cast out on the streets but the core lines are repeated sooner and we get the feeling that he knows that if he allows this miscarriage of justice through his own inaction, his conscience will give him no peace.
He then begins to ask himself the question at the root of his quandary: “Who am I?”—a question we may well ask ourselves in a similar situation.
Is he the sort of man who can stand by while another goes to prison instead for the want of his intervention? Can he ignore the terror and grief the other man must feel at the prospect of being condemned to life in jail for a crime he has not committed? I am reminded of “Oh Who Is That Young Sinner,” the poem I chose a few weeks ago, where a man is convicted and condemned for a crime that should not be a crime.
Can he live the rest of his life in hiding, concealing his identity even from his nearest and dearest, sacrificing his name in the interests of a peaceful existence, even though he knows full well that it would be a pretence and that he cannot ultimately hide his essential nature?
Can he live a lie? How can he look himself in the eye? How can he deal honestly with others if he cannot be honest with himself? He reflects that he made a covenant with God, all those years ago when he was a newly released convict: destitute and desperate enough to steal silver candlesticks from the Bishop of Digne. The Bishop forgave him and refused to condemn him to the officers who captured him but the price of his silence was that Valjean would become an honest man and redeem his crimes. That is the bargain he made with God: “He gave me hope when hope was gone/He gave me strength to journey on”
And on that note, the decision is made: he cannot forsake his bargain, he cannot betray his nature, and he cannot disguise himself as another any longer: “Who am I? Who am I? I’m Jean Valjean!”
He appears in court to admit his identity “Who am I? 24601!” and the man is freed but Valjean evades Javert for the moment, and the story moves on to the death of Fantine and another confrontation between the two men at the heart of Les Misérables.
The song emphasises one of the important themes of Les Misérables, whether it be the book or the musical: the contrast between the mercy shown by the Bishop, Valjean and others and the ruthlessness of Javert who at least ultimately realises his folly when Valjean mercifully spares his life and the Thénardiers, who cheerfully continue in their viciousness. The moral is that mercy can bring redemption, even to the most wretched.
I have always liked this part of the musical since I saw Colm Wilkinson perform it in the 10th anniversary concert—it’s such an important point in the story, marking the place when Valjean confronts his old attitudes and the remnants of the desperate character he once was and decisively rejects them, even at the cost of his own security, his position in society, and his wealth.
When I eventually saw the musical live, I remember being really impressed by the speed with which the scene changes from Valjean’s solitary wrangling with his conscience to the courtroom where he selflessly asserts his identity. It clearly reflects the swiftness of Valjean’s decision.