I have chosen this song because it has been going round in my head for several days now, and because it’s a meditation on the nature of love.
And even if you lose yourself
John Denver (1944—1997)
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Poem 320. Perhaps Love
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Oh, love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know
Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
This song by John Denver was originally performed in 1981 as a duet with Plácido Domingo. For some reason it entered my head this week and has been going round ever since, and when I considered the lyrics, I understood why.
The song is obviously about love, but rather like Auden’s “Tell Me the Truth About Love,” it muses on the indefinable nature of love, comparing it to different things to try to understand it more.
The first verse proposes that love is like a safe place, protecting us from the elements and the weapons of outrageous fortune and somewhere we can always return to in times of trouble. This strikes a chord with me, as my memories of loving Nicola and the love I have for my friends and family provide a shield behind which I can weather the difficulties of life.
The second verse compares love to the intriguing appeal of a doorway or a window into a space we have never visited—the feeling of interest and excitement associated with finding something new, but also knowing that if one gets lost in the wilderness, there is a compass to bring us through to familiar places.
We then have a series of comparisons that are really questions about the nature of love:
Is it like a cloud—insubstantial but nonetheless visible—or is it as tangible as a steel bar? Love can feel like walking through a cloud, and at other times, the bond between a couple in love feels so solid it might as well be made of steel.
Is it a way of living, or just a feeling? Some people seem to spend their lives surrounded by love, giving and receiving freely; others seem to experience it more transiently as an emotion that comes and goes.
Is love about holding on to people, or letting them go? We all want to take hold of our loved ones and keep them close to us but this isn’t always healthy so perhaps we should allow them their freedom; is there a point where we may lose them though, like a child losing its grip on a helium balloon? This question has special poignancy at the end of life—when the other half of your soul has gone, it is hard not to think of them to the exclusion of all else. We’re told that if we love them, we should let them go, but this is easier to say than it is to achieve.
Is love everything, or is it a cypher—a puzzle without a clue? I think that when some look for love, they want it to be all-encompassing, perhaps a great romance, but others do not know what they seek, so that love may be something entirely unexpected though not unwelcome.
The next verse compares love to an ocean in a tempest—an uncertain place with danger at every turn and the possibility that pain will be the only reward—and then flips the coin and compares it to a blazing hearth welcoming us in from the ice and snow outside. The coin flips again and now love is a thunderclap in a rainstorm—sudden and unexpected, and then we reach the conclusion: even if we could have eternal life and our every wish granted, our understanding of love and our memories of it are built with each person that we love, so that love means different things at different times, in different places and with different people, making it unique to each couple.
The last two verses repeat the others to emphasise the message.
I like this song because it expresses so well the idea that love isn’t one idea and has no single definition—it depends on the people involved and outsiders may get an inkling of the extent and nature of a relationship but only the principals know all about it. This reminds me of the Agatha Christie novel Five Little Pigs, where the assumptions made about the relationship between a husband and wife by those outside the marriage form a crucial part of the story.
I think this song has circulated in my head because I was thinking about last week’s choice and the couple I dedicated it to, and the couplet “And some say love is holding on/And some say letting go” seemed to have special significance.